Common Misconceptions
by BroflovskiFan
Summary: To say Wendy was pissed would have been a gross understatement. She wanted revenge – but to execute it, she’d require an accomplice. Someone with experience. WendyCartman, others?


Common Misconceptions

To say Wendy was pissed would have been a gross understatement. She wanted revenge – but to execute it, she'd require an accomplice. Someone with experience. Wendy/Cartman, others?

Okay, random idea I got. I'm just going with it – wanted to try something a little different. Chapters will be fairly short, and this story probably won't be TOO long – maybe tenish or so chapters? Anyways, we'll see how this goes. First chapter, Wendy isn't really looking her best, haha. Don't worry – she's not as insane or bitchy as it appears she is.

Chapter 1

Wendy Testaburger viciously stabbed a plastic fork into a tomato from her slightly wilted cafeteria salad as she paid mild attention to the ramblings of her best friend Bebe Stevens, seated across from her on a cafeteria bench in the corner of the large room. Rather than put the impaled item in her mouth, she withdrew it and struck it again and again with the flimsy utensil until the tomato had turned into nothing more than a pulpy mess in the midst of a sea of lettuce.

"…and that's why I think Craig would be bigger in the pants than Clyde," Bebe concluded. Having received no reaction from her friend to this breaking news, she pursed her lips, observing the squashed vegetable with a disapproving glance. "Wendy, are you feeling alright?"

But Wendy's focus was not on her friend – rather, it rested on a boy seated three tables across from her with jet black hair, pale blue eyes and a smile that could turn straight boys gay. Her eyes narrowed as she watched Stan Marsh exchange a joke with his best friend seated beside him, Kyle Broflovski. As Stan laughed, Wendy burned a hole into the boy's head with a death glare. How dare he be happy? How DARE he laugh after what he had done to her?

Bebe waved a hand in front of Wendy's face. "Hey girl, you need to stop doing that," she informed her friend sternly.

Wendy's attention snapped back to Bebe. "Huh?"

Bebe rolled her eyes. "Staring at him isn't going to make him come back, Wendy."

"I know," Wendy grumbled, maiming yet another tomato in her salad. "I'm trying to show Stan how mad off I am. But the damn asshole won't look at me."

Bebe reached across the table and took Wendy's hand consolingly. "I know this past week has been hard for you, but you need to get over this. Practically ever guy in this school wants to bone you-"

"Hey!" Wendy interjected. Her feminist attitude had taught her to be disapproving of such vulgar words. Plus she didn't really like the thought of someone like Jimmy Valmer wanting to do THAT with her. Wendy shuddered slightly, drawing her arms across her chest as though hiding it from view.

Bebe carried on nonetheless. "-and you could probably do better than Stan loser Marsh anyways. I mean, he's nice and all, but there's so many other guys that have so much more going for them. Take Kyle for instance, he's got such a great ass…" Bebe trailed off at this point, acquiring somewhat of a demented dreamy look on her face. "I think I'll go talk to Kyle, be right back." And with that Bebe took herself and her impressive rack and flounced it all the way over to where the boys were sitting. Wendy groaned, rubbing her temples. She was quite certain that someday she was going to kill Kyle with her intimidating advances and overly suggestive dialogue.

Wendy watched with mild amusement as she roughly shoved Kenny to the side, taking his seat beside Kyle, who had yet to notice her appearance as he was gesturing wildly, probably telling a story of some sort to Wendy's boyfriend.

Correction. Ex boyfriend.

Wendy had been fuming for over a week now, and truth was she was just as mad right as this moment as she had been the moment Stan told her they were over. Even now she couldn't believe it – it had seemed so surreal. Wendy wasn't particularly vain, but she was intelligent enough to recognize beauty when she saw it. Wendy knew she had a body that all the girls wanted and all the guys… well, as Bebe had put it. What kind of guy would dump the hottest girl in the school?

Wendy thought back to the night it had happened. She had demanded an explanation of course. Stan had mumbled something about her being 'overprotective' and 'he just couldn't deal with it anymore.' Wendy, not believing this, had demanded an increasingly detailed reason until Stan had finally broke, calling her insane before shrinking away from her.

And with good reason. After that remark, Wendy had given him a few good whacks with her hands AND purse before storming off, infuriated. Stan had come to school the next day with a black eye and a bruised ego.

Asshole. Served him right.

Wendy's eyes moved from Bebe, who had her boobs pushed up inches below Kyle's nose, who looked quite reasonably scared for his life, to Stan. She returned to glaring at him. Sure, they hadn't had a perfect relationship, but what couple did? After her short fling with Token back in elementary school, her and Stan had been together ever since. It had been years. How could he let it all go? They were THE couple in the school, the one everyone oohed and ahhed over, who sighed enviously, wishing they had a relationship as amazing as theirs.

Bebe gave Kyle a rather noticeable pinch on the ass, causing Kyle to leap about ten feet in the air, almost falling off the bench. Stan started laughing at this, while Kenny was content with staring at something below the table, probably Bebe's ass.

But her attention shortly thereafter drifted back to Stan. How DARE he call her overprotective? Sure, no girl that she knew of had been as extreme as sending a rival into the centre of the sun, or threatening them bodily harm with a baseball bat, but so what? That wasn't overprotective – that was love. Wasn't it?

Stan and her had practically been the icon of the grade. She enjoyed walking around with her strapped to her waist, while people before them practically parted like the red sea. Wendy had enjoyed the status. She was, after all, Miss Testaburger, or as some people HAD called her, Mrs. Marsh, the captain of the debate team, one of the top students of the grade, frequent actress in school plays, loved, adored, and hated by every student in the school…

And yet it all seemed insignificant when Stan couldn't be tacked on anymore to her list of accomplishments. Wendy glowered at the remains at her salad, which had become a complete mess. She squeezed the plastic utensil tightly in her fist before taking it in her other hand and snapping it in half. Oh, how she'd like to do the same to Stan's neck. No one EVER fucked with Wendy Testaburger, and yet he just had.

And anyone who knew Wendy at all knew she always got what she wanted. If not by her own hard work, then by mysterious accidents that frequently occurred to whoever it was standing in her way. She was determined to make it to the top, and if it meant taking a few people out along the way, she wouldn't hesitate to do it.

Wendy closed the salad container before pounding it viciously with her fists, trying to get rid of the anger that refused to go away for even a moment. She eventually let out a small scream before shoving it half heartedly away from her. It slid off the other end of the bench and fell to the floor, splattering its mutilated insides.

Wendy watched through her fingers as she stood up from beside Kyle, turning around to get out so her ass would intentionally be in the poor boy's face. But to do so, she'd also be facing Kenny, whose eyes glazed over as they stared directly into Bebe's chest.

"How DARE you?" Bebe shrieked loud enough so that Wendy could hear her three tables over. She promptly slapped Kenny across the face. "I am not an object to be looked at!" Apparently she had slapped him a little too hard, as his head did a complete 360 before he fell out of his seat and onto the floor, stone dead.

"Oh my God! She killed Kenny!" Stan screamed out, gesturing towards Bebe dramatically while everyone turned to look.

"You bastard!" Kyle chimed in. But seeing as Bebe's ass was still in his face, the sound was muffled and everyone grew bored, turning back to continue their lunch.

Bebe sulked off moodily before rejoining Wendy, pouting noticeably.

"No luck, I noticed," Wendy stated sarcastically.

Bebe pouted even harder. "One day, he will be mine," she declared. "And then I will wear his ass as a-"

"Yeah, yeah I know. A hat for all eternity. Remind me to bring a camera the day he actually goes for you."

"Hey! No man can resist my womanly charms forever," she stated, flipping her hair over her shoulder. "God, I HATE when guys stare at my boobs!"

"You wouldn't mind it if it was Kyle doing it," Wendy pointed out, tiredly.

"Well no. But I stare at his ass, so it makes us even. But he doesn't stare at me anyways," Bebe sighed. "And whenever I go over to talk to him I always ending up killing Kenny."

"Maybe it's a sign."

"Maybe he's gay," Bebe pondered. "It would explain his lack of attention to me."

Wendy sighed. "Bebe, just because a guy doesn't want you doesn't mean he's gay."

Bebe ignored this comment, drifting off to her own musings. "If he was gay, who would he be gay with?"

"Bebe-"

"Tweek? Nah, he's too fidgety, I bet it would drive Kyle nuts. Clyde cries too much, Cartman hates him and besides, he'd probably get stuck in his fat. Token and Kyle – no, too many racial slurs would come from that. Timmy-"

"What, EW!" Wendy exclaimed at that one. She wrinkled her nose. Taking advantage of the handicap was for obvious reasons, disgusting.

"Relax, relax," Bebe dismissed her friend with a wave of her hand. "Who else…. Ooh I know!" Bebe's eyes lit up as she gestured excitedly. "Stan! It makes perfect sense!"

Wendy spit her drink out all over the table. "Wait, WHAT?!" she shrieked at her friend. "That's not funny, Bebe!"

"No, I'm not trying to be funny!" Bebe backtracked a little. "Think about it. They've been best friends for how long? Not even best friends – super best friends. What's that super for anyways. Super best friends with benefits I bet! And it would make sense why he dumped you! Because he couldn't hide his lover anymore-"

"Are you telling me you think I turned my boyfriend GAY??" Wendy screamed out, closing her eyes from the shrillness of the sound. She pounded one of her fists on the table, wincing from the pain. "Ow!"

"Wendy, calm down!" Bebe waved her hands in defense. "It's just speculation. But I do think it sort of makes sense-" 

Wendy sucked in a breath through her teeth. "Bebe, Stan is NOT gay. You don't know the things he's said to me. You weren't there when we made love. You weren't there. Stan is NOT gay."

Bebe reached across the table to pat her distraught friend on the back. "I know, I'm sorry," she apologized, not wanting to upset Wendy any further.

Wendy suddenly sat up, gasping as a new idea came over her.

"What if he left me for another girl?" She whispered angrily.

Bebe shrugged. "Wendy, I already told you that you could do better. So do better, and forget about the potentially gay and/or cheating loser."

Wendy played with her fingers, having no more salad left to butcher. "I can't Bebe. I need a proper answer. And then I want to kill him."

Bebe's eyes widened at this. She knew Wendy, and knew what she was capable of. "Wendy, you wouldn't!" She exclaimed.

Wendy thought about this. "Maybe. I want my revenge on that asshole." Wendy had been going over the tortuous deaths she could throw Stan into for the past few days. Her favourite one at the moment had been a medieval style drawn and quartering. But even she knew she'd never go that far. And as much as she hated to admit it, Stan still held a place in her heart. And she didn't think she could do anything quite that horrible to someone she had previously loved. Her best tactics were emotional and mental pain. But first, she wanted to know why he left her. And not some bullshit answer.

Wendy glanced over Bebe's shoulder as she watched Stan, still laughing, with Kyle. Again, she felt a sort of rage over this happiness. How she'd like to tear it all away from him. Make him suffer like she did.

Wendy's mouth curled into a sneer, and Bebe looked at her with concern plastered all over her face. Oh yes, she'd have her revenge…

All she needed was time.

oOoOoOo

Feedback is always nice guys, especially on a new story with a pairing I've never done.


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